Sunday Morning Thoughts

Do you ever wake feeling lost, as if nothing you have accomplished is worth anything? Like all the hard work was for nothing – you can see the progress yet it feels like you are standing still and everything around you is moving forward with out you? Today I woke with these thoughts and image’s swimming within me like silver fish of doubt and depression dragging me to darkness.

Depression is a monster waiting to devour happiness and glee, snatching accomplishments and blocking them from site. Its always lurking in the corner waiting for me. It’s the creepy guy in the alley that I walk past on my way to school who calls me. I ignore it. In My past life I gave in and listened to that voice, and allowed it to subdue me. Walking in darkness for days until the mood changed.

Now I write. I haven’t written on this format in over a year. Even though I have so much to say and get out, I choose not to place these thoughts out into the cyber world. Why, why haven’t I wrote on this platform? Fear. Fear of being judged, or attacked. Fear of offending someone, hurting someone’s feelings, or getting into a disagreement. Today’s society has gotten so touchy that just writing to avoid being depressed is a double take in fear of causing or being pulled into more trouble then needed.

Forgive my ramblings all in all don’t listen to the creepy guy in the ally, don’t answer the voices coming out of the dark corners. They mean you no good, all pain, mental frustrations and confusion. Stay the course of happiness, love, light, and enjoyment. Take the small wins and over time theyʼll all add up. Move in silence and don’t allow people to distract you from your goals. Push yourself to be better everyday and if you are struggling please seek out professional help or just talk to someone who is willing to listen and genuinely cares.

Stay Blessed

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Random Thought #1

Wait wait wait, let me explain:
I am an artist which means I see the world through a different light, my energy reads on a wave length that most can’t understand. I speak from an emotional spirit with a logical yet soul searching mind frame. I love deep and burn with passion. Rather it be love or hate, compassion or anger, forgiveness or vengeance, I have no middle ground.

Im loyal to the point of destruction, I’ll wound myself before I abandon someone I love. I’m invested in those around me and wish to see them elevate to their highest peek and beyond. Im my own worse critic and hate to fail. Giving solid eye opening advise based off my life lessons and wisdom aquired yet more times then often finding it difficult to heed it myself. Born under the sign of the Gemini with Taurus throwing a dash of stubbornness is the stew. Yo I wake up different everyday.

Looking in the mirror, swiming on a wave of thoughts not safe to deliver to the ears of most… yet they slip out sometimes before I can catch them. I accept my flaws and work hard to better myself. I know who I am…….. can you say the same?

Perception

In middle school, I once played in a timed chess tournament. Although I was a rookie to the game, I knew the basics and had a solid idea of the concept with simple strategies. My opponent (who’s name nore face I can remember) beat me in under three minutes. Three minutes! It takes five minutes to cook Uncle Ben’s Quick Rice. This means he still had two minutes left to grab a bowl, a spoon (or fork which ever you prefer), and wait for the “ding” to sit and eat. Yet, I shook his hand and walked away from the table with no grit about it. The question is why? Why didn’t this loss inflict a death blow to my pride? All those hours of practice and dedication of learning how to maneuver a board of light and shaded squares pushing against one another as if good and evil were competing for the same living space, only to lose in under three minutes. Why was the 13 year old version of myself not upset? I never once thought he cheated or it wasnt a fair game, nor was I a bad strategist. I told myself that next time, it will be 5 minutes before I get up from that table. Thats right! Uncle Ben’s rice would have to wait on me next time. 

In perspective, I didn’t loose. Instead, I learned how to fight a little longer, which moves not to make and what to look for. Every time I lost a game I still walked away with a win. It just depends on how you look at it. I did not show myself as a sore loser because of the perspective my brain applied the situation under.

Focus on what you gain, which is what you win from the loss. This perspective of the win could solve issues, settle debates, reveal life lessons, indicate outcomes, and rectify problems if you reprogram the way you perceive the situations you are faced with. If you have read my third blog post (third from the bottom) then you can gather I have been divorced twice in this life time. Yet I have been blessed to have a beautiful wife whom I am indeed happily married with and getting ready to celebrate our first anniversary. Woooo!!! Now lets go for another year and see how far we can make it. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. We as individuals need to understand that bad things happen BUT good things come from those moments of bad which majority of the time lead to better situations. 

Prime example: I wrote this blog on my cell phone because my computer called it quits. I could be upset, piss and moan and let that negative energy keep me from sailing the wave of international data streams denying you a fairly good read. Or I could just grab my phone, throw on my warm robe, have a drink and type away. Diligently looking to make sure the right buttons or “images” of buttons are being selected do to my big thumbs and this small space of a touch screen.

In the end, be conscious of how you receive the situations you are in and how you react. Never perceive a situation as a total loss, since personally I feel we can always gain something from every lossing, winning or down right breaking even situation. 

Your Worth

How often do we short change ourselves to align with someone else? Drop the cost of our services, discount our bodies as product, or give more of our time than planned to appease the individuals we are negotiating with. Do they respect your boundaries, listen when you speak, give of themselves on equal or above terms?

Don’t allow people to diminish  your value through selfishness. Dont think less of yourself to make those around you comfortable. Dont discount yourself or service’s because of a sob story. Your heart isn’t for sale. Along with your morals, faith, loyalties, goals and dreams. Never sale yourself short.

At the end of the day, when you look in the mirror, you will feel much more accomplished if everything you stand for was not pushed aside as you acquire success..